“I Wish I Could Decipher Your Silence.”
If one intends to mimic, what of resolve? What of doubt? The terrain of human consciousness(es) is well-traveled, and there are maxims swinging between both doubt and resolve. In Star Trek: Deep Space 9‘s episode In the Pale Moonlight, Captain Benjamin Sisko utters his own advice in response to doubt via what his father raised him to believe (or doubt):
“Worry and doubt are the greatest enemies of a great chef. The soufflé will either rise or it won’t – there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, so you might as well just sit back and wait and see what happens.”
A comforting, if more “to the stone” than not, kind of encouragement. And, while this DS9 quote is taken out of context, I want to illustrate a soufflé (or stone) that reflects circumstances surrounding my doubts, my contingencies, my reasons to seek resolve.
“Wicked Cultured,” this blog, was founded about two years ago, while I was a student, a poet, a twenty-something “geek.” That was how I chose to define my discourse. About two years later, I, with regret, recognize this: I was too quick to censor the truth. I allowed myself to be derailed by many, many doubts, and in this acquiescence, my writing came to lack the character of my life experience over a two-year period that presented struggles many people my age experience.
This post is more to reify an intention to be more “characteristic” in what I write, with doubt, of course, but resolve to recognize, assess, challenge, and speak in a way that might absolve some of the lingering apprehensions. I will not discount what other twenty-somethings give voice to in regards to whatever narratives I compose…
I do not doubt I can say a lot, with conviction…
My doubt is a parafiction that captivates and gives me the resolve me to write–terrors and pleasures.